For us
by shanqi
Summary: This series continues where we left off with "I should have fought for us". From the looks of things, I'll probably deviate from canon quite a bit, but we'll have to see how things play out. I love happy endings but unfortunately, I also love angst.
1. Chapter 1: I believe in us

I needed to get my frustration at their "problems" from S3 out of the way so this chapter is a little heavy on the talking.

* * *

When they'd finally had enough of the rain, Neil led them back through the hospital's revolving doors. As much as he wanted to grab hold of her hand and never let go again, they hadn't discussed how they would move forward with their relationship so instead, he guided her through the doors with a light hand on the small of her back. They made their way around the edges of the gala, trying to avoid dripping too much onto the foyer floor. They nodded politely to the few colleagues still making their exit from the party while waiting silently for an elevator up to the lockers and showers.

The elevator doors opened to reveal Glassman, rugged up in a large coat with his bags and an umbrella, ready to head home. He chuckled when saw his drenched Chief of Surgery and attending surgeon, giving them a knowing smile, "Forget our umbrellas, did we?"

"Turns out Audrey prefers to dance in the rain," Neil joked, eliciting another chuckle from Glassman and an elbow in the ribs from Audrey.

"Have a good evening, Aaron," Audrey said, earning her a smile and a reassuring pat on the back as Glassman passed to let them into the elevator.

"We should sit down and talk about this," Neil said once the elevator doors closed, gesturing with a hand to indicate he was referring to their relationship. Audrey nodded slowly with a worried frown, to which Neil added suggestively, "But we could probably get out of these wet clothes and into a hot shower first."

His words had the desired effect and Audrey smiled at him, trying to contain her amusement at his obvious antics, "I don't think it's such a good idea for you to be seen in the women's shower room, Dr. Melendez." They stepped out of the elevator, still leaving a trail of water droplets as they walked in comfortable silence. They stopped briefly in the empty corridor and Audrey leaned in to drop a kiss on his cheek. "I also think we should sort out our problems before we jump back into having mind-blowing sex," she whispered into his ear before walking off with a smug look on her face.

By the time he'd showered and changed, Neil had received a message from her.

_I'll be in my office when you're ready._

Neil smiled to himself. Audrey had always been unbelievably efficient, so it was no surprise that she'd managed to be ready before him. For all the tolerance and kindness she could show to others, sometimes she could be incredibly direct and no-nonsense, especially when she was dealing with something important. In this case, her message left no room for argument and there was no doubt in Neil's mind that she was going to make working on their relationship with one of her priorities.

Audrey had left her office door ajar, waiting for him. When he arrived, Neil knocked lightly on her door, smiling at her as she looked up from her paperwork. "You're still working?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

"It's not urgent," she replied, standing up and moving over to the couch, "I can do the rest tomorrow." She waited for him to close the door behind him and join her, reaching out to take both his hands in hers when he sat down. Looking into his eyes, she saw his love for her but also the seemingly insurmountable challenges that lay in wait for them. She could feel the same sense of anxiety and fear that had pushed her to break up with him suddenly rising up again, and she had the urge to pull away but she ignored her impulses and instead tightened her grip on his hands. She'd promised to give them another chance.

Audrey broke the silence with a soft sigh, trying to keep the fear out of her voice, "We've got a lot to work out, Neil. This isn't going to be easy."

"I'm not going to say it's not complicated," Neil began cautiously, squeezing her hands reassuringly, "But I love you and it's enough for me to keep trying to make this work. I believe in our relationship. I believe in us."

His words reminded her of her own harsh ones from several months ago, "_I love you but it's not enough_," and she couldn't keep the tears from welling up in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she breathed softly, "It was a cruel thing for me to say, to give up on us just because it got too hard. You have every right to be upset with me."

"I'm not upset," Neil replied, reaching up and brushing away a tear that had escaped her eye, "It hurt but I understood. Things were becoming too complicated and we were letting our problems affect our work. I understand why you thought you had to give up on us." He paused to watch for her reaction, willing her to understand that he wasn't bringing up her words because he'd been upset, but because he believed they could prove her wrong. "I shouldn't have let you go. If you're at fault for giving up on us, then I'm just as much at fault for letting you."

Audrey nodded slowly, blinking away her tears. She shifted to sit closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder and intertwining her fingers with his, as she'd done the night he lost Patty Fields in the OR. She let out a breath she hadn't been aware she was holding and he kissed her on the head, smiling into her hair, glad she'd been able to let go of her guilt for now.

"We should probably spend more time working out a plan than apologizing for what's already happened," Neil prompted after a moment of silence.

Audrey nodded, reluctantly sitting up to face him. "We can't take the same path we took last time," she said determinedly, "If this is going to work, something has to change. I don't want this to be some forbidden relationship we have to keep hidden from HR."

Neil considered her suggestion carefully but finally agreed, "Okay, I'm on board with that. But you know HR will put all sorts of boundaries in place for us, right?"

"I know. It's going to be a lot of work, but I'm willing to make an effort for us."

"Me too," he replied with a smile.

"And I've been thinking about what you said," Audrey continued, "I think you were right, you should probably run your medical decisions past Glassman."

Neil's surprise was clearly displayed across his face. Shaking his head, he quickly interjected, "No, Audrey, I shouldn't have asked that of you. You're the Chief of Surgery, it's your job to oversee and review all the medical decisions made by your surgeons, including me."

His refusal of his own suggestion bothered Audrey and made her remove her hand from his. Crossing her arms, she retorted, "Now that I'm agreeing with your idea, you've changed your mind?"

"It's not that, I'm not trying to pick a fight," Neil sighed, reaching across to take her hand again, relieved when she relaxed and let him. "When I raised that idea, I was raising it to my boss, at a time when I thought she wasn't being objective about me or my abilities as a surgeon. Not to mention that I was still angry about losing a patient in the OR and trying to find something else to blame."

Neil paused, considering his next words before admitting, "I was also afraid that our disputes at work would bring trouble for our relationship." Audrey nodded slowly in agreement, having had the same concerns about the effect of their arguments at work on their relationship. Neil continued, "We've both agreed that we could have done better in that situation – I had been affected by Patty's death more than I was willing to admit, and you were doubting my judgment because you knew I wasn't fine."

"Just because you made the suggestion out of anger or fear doesn't mean it was a bad one," Audrey said, trying to reason with him but Neil shook his head again.

"Right now I'm saying this to you as your colleague and friend, as someone who loves you and knows you," Neil said to her with a loving smile, "Audrey, I think you're the best person for this job. I've watched you and worked with you since we were just residents. I know how incredibly focused you can be and I know you can make assessed and objective decisions, even when circumstances are difficult."

"Your belief in me is sweet, Neil, but it doesn't change the fact that our relationship complicates things," Audrey replied, returning his smile but determined to make him see her point, "I can't help the fact that I'll know things about you that Aaron or Marcus wouldn't have, in the same position. I'll know if you're something is going on in your personal life and I don't know if I can stop that from affecting my assessment of you as a surgeon."

"That should be a good thing!" Neil said eagerly, "Our work directly affects the lives of our patients and we should be at the top of our game, always. Knowing more about me should objectively allow you to make a better decision."

"Except when I've got the wrong idea about you. Your concerns with the surgery for Wren Braxton didn't all stem from your doubts after losing Patty Fields. I was wrong."

"That wasn't your fault," Neil said, drawing her closer and leaning in to rest his forehead against hers. "I should have listened. We should have talked. I didn't want to seem weak and incompetent in front of my boss, but I should have remembered that you're more than that. If I'd actually listened when my girlfriend expressed her concern for me and talked it out with her, maybe my boss wouldn't have had reason to doubt my state of mind and judgment."

Audrey exhaled in amusement at that. "Should teach you to listen to your girlfriend more, huh?" she teased, tilting her head to meet his lips with hers. She kissed him briefly before pulling back with a smile. "You're right, we really need to talk to each other more."

"Well, we're making a good start, aren't we?" he replied, trying to pull her back in for another kiss.

"We're not done yet," she warned him. "I want to set some ground rules for us. But maybe tomorrow," she said before finally giving in and leaning into his embrace.


	2. Chapter 2: I'm happy for you

I promise I'll keep writing this, but I'm so torn after seeing 3x18. I love all the characters so much but they're all breaking my heart right now. I can't really deal with any of the ships right now so this chapter is mostly Glassman being a good president, mentor, and friend. I can understand the residents not having much of an input on Audrey and Neil's relationship, but I've always felt like they could have asked for advice from people who have known them for longer, like Glassman. Also, I'm a little angry at Melendez right now.

* * *

Audrey was the first to wake up the next morning and lay there with her eyes closed, replaying the events of the previous night in her head. After agreeing that they should at least update Glassman about their relationship (though Aaron clearly already knew), they'd discovered neither had had much in the way of food other than canapés at the gala. Audrey had suggested burgers before they had somehow ended back at his place, once again in bed.

Audrey kept her eyes closed as she became aware of the rise and fall of his chest underneath her head, his arm resting heavily around her waist and the light snoring telling her he was still asleep. She couldn't keep herself from smiling at how lucky she felt to be back here, enjoying some moments of peace in the arms of the man she loved. She let herself imagine doing this for the rest of her life, waking up next to Neil and feeling loved, and her smile widened into a grin.

If only life could be so simple. Her concerns about their relationship and the obstacles in their way slowly found their way back into her train of thought and suddenly, she was regretting everything from the night before. Their relationship had been a stupid idea the first time, and she had all the reasons to prove it, so why had she let herself agree to round 2? A sense of dread spread through her chest as Audrey thought about all the things she'd have to face – talking to Aaron about her personal life; sitting through an awkward session with that humorless, judgemental woman from HR; pretending not to notice the nurses gossiping.

She slowly opened her eyes and shifted slightly to get a better look at the source of all her current problems. Neil slept so peacefully, the faintest of smiles on his lips, and looking at how content he was, Audrey resolved not to be the one to take it away from him. She couldn't let her own anxieties break them again. She was Audrey Lim for God's sake! She'd gotten this far in life without letting anything get in the way of what she wanted, why should this be any different?

Having committed to trying to let go of her fears about their relationship, Audrey decided to carefully free herself from Neil's embrace and get the coffee machine started. She'd only just finished thinking about coffee when she felt Neil's arm tighten around her waist, pulling her back towards him. He buried his nose in her hair, enjoying the faint smell of his sheets mingling with the sweet scent he'd come to associate with Audrey.

"How long do you plan on watching me sleep?" he asked with a grin, pulling back to catch the flustered surprise on her face.

"Well, you were clearly not asleep," Audrey argued, scrambling to cover her embarrassment at being caught doing something so sappy and uncool, "So you can't say I was watching you sleep." She quickly pulled herself out from under his arm before he could react and hopped out of bed.

"But you didn't know that," Neil teased, sitting up to watch her as she slipped on his discarded shirt and crossed the room to the door.

"I'm going to make some coffee," she said while slipping out the door, before poking her head back in the room and adding with a barely-contained smile, "And you're not getting any unless you drop this."

Neil laughed, "Yes ma'am."

* * *

They walked into the hospital that morning together, ignoring the hushed whispers that seemed to follow. Audrey had resigned herself to the fact there was no avoiding the gossip when Neil pointed out to her that enough people would have seen them making out in the rain the previous night. She'd wanted the both of them to talk to Glassman first thing in the morning but Neil had a surgery scheduled during the time she had managed to arrange a meeting.

"Are you sure you don't want to wait till we have time to talk to him together," Neil asked her gently, stopping her before they parted ways to give her the opportunity to avoid facing Glassman today.

"No," Audrey replied resolutely, "Even if he already knows – God knows what he's already heard from the nurses – I want to tell him myself and make sure he's fine with it." When Neil opened his mouth to protest, she quickly added, "I know he'll probably be fine with it, our fight is with HR, but it's the polite thing to do – he is the President, after all."

Neil smiled at her, grateful for being able to love such a strong, determined woman, and gave her hand an encouraging squeeze. "Better you than me," he said with a mischievous grin before heading off to see his patient.

"Don't think you're off the hook," Audrey said with a laugh, making him turn back, "I'm sure Glassman will squeeze in a chat with you at some point."

* * *

"I'm sorry to bother you, Dr. Glassman" Audrey said as she took the seat Glassman had offered, facing him across his desk and giving him a nervous smile.

"It's no problem," Aaron replied reassuringly, "I'm always here for my Chief of Surgery."

"Debbie told me you were supposed to grab breakfast together," Audrey said, recalling the time Debbie had bluntly told her she needed to leave so Glassman could get back to his patients, "She didn't seem too pleased to see me."

"She'll be fine. I'll just make sure to schedule a time for lunch with her," Aaron said, again in his reassuring manner.

Audrey nodded, not sure how to launch into the reason she'd requested the meeting. "So … there's something I wanted to talk to you about," she finally said, deciding it was probably best to just cut to the chase.

Aaron nodded, "I think I have some idea of what you want to tell me."

Audrey took a deep breath. Even though she was fairly certain her news wouldn't come as a shock to Glassman, this was a man who had been her boss and her mentor for nearly a decade, and talking about her personal life to him never came naturally. "Neil and I have decided to ..." Audrey began, trailing off as she tried to find the right words to describe what exactly they'd decided to do.

"Give love another chance?" Aaron asked with a smile, completing her sentence for her. Audrey nodded silently so Aaron continued, "You two were involved with each other before and I had no objections with it then so I can't think of any reason to have any issues with it now. But from your look of concern, I'm assuming there's more you want to discuss with me?"

"I want to make sure our relationship doesn't affect our work again," Audrey said determinedly, "That's why I want to ask if you can—"

"Dr. Lim," Aaron interrupted, "I said it before and I'll say it again – You're my Chief of Surgery, and I trust your judgment. That includes trusting your objectivity, even when it comes to working with Dr. Melendez." Sensing that there was no arguing with him, Audrey nodded and stood up to leave, offering a brief thanks to Aaron for his time.

"Audrey," Aaron said, stopping her as she reached the door, "If it makes you feel better, I'll keep an eye on Neil's surgeries, but I'm confident that you'll continue to exceed my expectations as the head of that department." Audrey nodded thankfully while Aaron paused to draw breath, "I don't know what Neil has done or said to you, but don't let him make you doubt yourself. I've watched you become the surgeon you are today, and your confidence in yourself has never been misplaced."

Audrey offered a grateful smile and shut the door behind her.

* * *

Neil had just sat down at his desk with a sandwich, having finally found time for a quick lunch, when Glassman knocked on his glass door and invited himself in. Turns out Audrey had been right – Glassman really had found the time to seek Neil out.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Aaron said, glancing at the sandwich that Neil had just put back on its plate and taking a seat, "This isn't anything serious. Feel free to keep eating."

"The President of the hospital has come all the way to see me," Neil said, pushing the sandwich to the side, "I'm sure it's not_ nothing_."

"Well, I'm not here as the President," Aaron offered, gesturing at the sandwich and waiting for Neil to resume his lunch, "Audrey came to see me this morning, as I'm sure you know." Neil nodded, mumbling something in affirmation.

Aaron paused to consider for the last time whether he should be meddling in the lives of his surgeons before continuing, "I've watched the both of you become the people you are today, I've seen you struggle through your internships and residencies, and I was there when you finally found success in this hospital. You were very lucky to have Audrey come through the residency program with you. She's always been a brilliant doctor and you were always trying to outcompete her. I'd wager a bet that she's part of the reason you're as good as you are today."

Neil smiled nostalgically, recalling their days as residents. "She was so smart, it made her quite a pain to be around," he chuckled.

Aaron nodded in understanding, "I'm saying this as a mentor, and as a friend – if you consider me to be one, and I'm happy for you, the both of you, truly."

Neil could hear the 'but …' coming and gave him a quizzical look when Aaron paused again. "But that ego of yours, which produced such a constructively competitive partnership between colleagues, could just as easily hurt you both in this relationship," Aaron finished in a solemn tone.

Neil stared, speechless as Aaron tried to explain his words, "We were both there to witness the breakdown of Audrey's marriage, and we both saw how much that affected her, so you must know that she's not as stoic as she likes to pretend she is. Mind that you don't let your ego and competitive streak make you forget this about her – she's not just your boss and competitor, she's also someone you can seriously hurt."

Aaron's warning reminded Neil of his words to Audrey after the death of Patty Fields. "_You're not objective about me … because of our relationship._" Until now, he hadn't fully considered how much he had hurt Audrey with his doubts and accusations.

With a heavy heart, Neil promised, "I'll try my best to remember."

As Aaron stood up to leave him to finish his lunch, Neil added, "Thank you, Aaron, for looking out for her."


	3. Chapter 3: We're just friends

**I actually loved that lady from HR. I'd be happy to see her back again, for almost any reason. My fingers are crossed for the S3 finale.**

* * *

"Drs. Lim and Melendez," Ms. Waring said, greeting the two surgeons in her usual expressionless manner, "I see you're back here. Together. Again."

Neil pursed his lips together to keep from grinning, knowing that it would probably upset Ms. Waring and make it seem he was making light of the situation. He opted instead to smile politely at her and nod while Audrey answered with a brief and slightly intimidated, "Yes."

As Audrey visibly tensed under the searching gaze of the HR director, Neil had to stop himself again from smiling in amusement at how anxious Audrey was. The great Audrey Lim could assert her authority over all manner of patients, whether they be loud drunks or arrogant businessmen; she could pop back shoulder joints, reset broken bones and remove all sorts of foreign objects from any part of the human anatomy without flinching; and yet here she was, looking trapped under the glare of a harmless lady from HR.

"You're seeing each other, again," Ms. Waring said, more as a statement than a question.

"Yes," Neil replied, drawing Ms. Waring's attention to him and saving Audrey from having to endure her glare any longer.

Ms. Waring sighed quietly to herself before continuing, "As Dr. Lim is now your supervisor, there will be some additional procedures. We will start with your individual interviews. You will have to sign some paperwork." She paused before adding, "And I will have to be seeing you both much more regularly."

Audrey nodded slowly, having expected that there would be many more hoops to jump through.

"You were already seeing each other secretly," Ms. Waring said while beginning to scribble down a record of their meeting, "You could just go back to doing that."

"We wanted to make sure that everything was official and out in the open," Audrey said, unsure whether to take that as a comment or a question.

"I hope you don't plan on ending your relationship within the week, again," Ms. Waring replied, looking up at the two doctors, "Dealing with this requires a significant amount of paperwork. And time."

* * *

After individually confirming their consent, bringing them back together to sign some documents waiving hospital responsibility in the event of a breakdown in their relationship, and setting up a regular monthly meeting to keep Ms. Warren up to date on the effect of everything on their professional, working relationship, Audrey and Neil were finally released back into the corridors of the hospital.

They were both glad that they'd managed to arrange their HR appointment for the end of the day. After all the effort they had put into controlling their anxieties and emotions in front of Ms. Warren, it was a relief to not have to do any more thinking or go back to looking after patients.

As they walked along the corridor back to their offices and more familiar territory, Audrey let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. "That wasn't so bad," she said with a bright smile to Neil, who just grinned back.

"You didn't look so confident in there," he laughed, jabbing his thumb in the direction of HR, "At one point, you looked as if you were about to cry like a schoolgirl being reprimanded."

Audrey knew the moment to which he was referring. Ms. Warren had all but told them they were making a mistake. They had just signed the last of the necessary paperwork and Ms. Warren had looked at them and said, "The fact that you're here a second time to declare your relationship tells me you think this is going to last. But surgeons have the biggest egos of everyone in this hospital, possibly in the world. One large ego doesn't bode well for a relationship, and you've got two."

Recalling Ms. Warren's words, Audrey sighed and stopped just before they were about to re-enter the busier parts of the hospital. Neil followed suit, turning to look at her with a puzzled expression.

"What if she was right? What if we really are destined to fail?" Audrey asked in a voice barely louder than a whisper. Had the corridor not been still and deserted, Neil may not have caught it. But there was no mistaking the fear and uncertainty in her eyes, which sent a pang across his heart. He took both her hands in his, drawing a small smile from her.

"Our egos have always clashed, but your confidence is one of the things I love about you. I love that you refuse to give in when you believe you're right," Neil said. At Audrey's raised eyebrows, he added with a laugh, "Well maybe not all the time. Sometimes, I can't stand you." He stepped up to hold her in his arms before he continued, "We'll work out a way. I love you, and I promise I'll do everything I can to work through anything that comes up."

Audrey smiled and replied with a kiss, the love she saw in his eyes replacing the knots of anxiety in her body with warmth. "I love you too," she said, holding his gaze for a few moments longer as they let their words sink in.

"Well, now that's settled, what do you say we have some fun tonight?" Neil said, stepping away but keeping a hold onto her hand, "We could grab some burgers, go see a movie or something?"

Audrey smiled at him mischievously as they walked through the hospital, hand in hand. "It's been a long time since I had the chance to beat you bowling," she said suggestively.

"You mean it's been a long time since I had the chance to let you win at bowling," Neil retorted with a grin. "I'd be happy to let you win again tonight," Neil added, pulling her closer as they passed a cleaning cart.

Audrey rolled her eyes and said, "You know I'd win even if you didn't let me."

When they finally arrived at Audrey's office, she let go of his hand, instantly missing its warmth. Turning to him, she asked, "So we're going to the bowling alley?"

Neil nodded before recalling a previous commitment he'd made. "Actually, I'd promised Claire that we'd hang out tonight," he said cautiously. He was very clear that he didn't see Claire as anything more than a friend, but he hadn't had the time to discuss their friendship with Audrey. He could the cogs turning in her head as the smile fell from her face.

"Neil, she's a resident," Audrey warned, "Is it really appropriate –"

"You're my boss. And my girlfriend" Neil interrupted, looking at her pointedly, "Claire and I, we're just friends." Audrey frowned, opening her mouth to reply but Neil quickly added, "Look, how about I ask her to invite someone else? Maybe Reznick?"

Audrey sighed softly, not entirely convinced, but nodded in agreement anyway.

* * *

By the time they arrived at the bowling alley and sat down to wait for their residents, Audrey had promised herself she'd try her best to enjoy herself and not think too much about Neil and Claire's friendship. She wasn't going to lie to herself and pretend that she was completely fine with their friendship, and she knew her issues with it weren't purely professional.

There was a part of her that was thinking from the perspective of their Chief, pre-empting the problems that would arise with Neil's need to balance his role as both Claire's friend and her supervising attending. But she also knew that part of her reacted with jealousy when she thought about them spending time together. She didn't doubt that Neil viewed their relationship as a purely platonic one, but she wasn't so sure that Claire felt the same way (definitely not, judging the looks she'd seen Claire give Neil).

She smiled in thanks as Neil handed her a pair of bowling shoes in her size and watched him in contemplation as he went to get them some drinks. She wanted to tell him about her misgivings about Claire, but she was also afraid it would cause tension in their already complicated relationship. As he walked back towards her, taking care not to spill their drinks, she decided she'd give Claire the opportunity to prove her wrong, and their relationship to become more stable before she introduced any trouble.

When Claire and Morgan joined them, Audrey had become distracted by the amusing photos Neil was showing her of his cousin's children and had enough alcohol in her system to push any thoughts not about winning at bowling to the back of her mind.

Audrey walked up to the bowling lane and picked up a ball, testing its weight in her hands, as Neil chatted with Morgan and Claire walked over to join her.

"Do you bowl much?" Claire asked her, trying to make polite conversation.

Sensing the awkwardness, Audrey realized for the first time since Neil had raised the idea of asking Claire to join them that this whole experience would have terrified her, had she been the resident hanging out with her Chief of Surgery. The thought softened her to the idea of forming a closer, more personal relationship with her residents.

"When we were residents, we used to come here every time we needed to blow off some steam," Audrey answered with a smile.

"You must be pretty good then, with all that practice," Claire replied, picking up a ball herself.

"Neil can't beat me in the hospital," Audrey started jokingly, walking away to take her second bowl and narrowly missing the one remaining pin, "So I don't see the need to let him beat me here either."

Claire rewarded her efforts with a small laugh before launching into a discussion about bowling technique. As Claire was detailing her own experience with bowling and lining up her bowl with the pins, Audrey caught Neil's eye and saw the concern in his eyes as he watched them. She gave him a reassuring smile before calling him over to take his bowl.


	4. Chapter 4: Spending time with you

Because, right now, I really want them to be happy.

* * *

By some miracle, Neil and Audrey find that they both have the entire weekend free from work. After the physically and emotionally draining couple of weeks they'd had, all Audrey wanted to do was curl up on the sofa in Neil's arms and waste away the day on some brainless TV drama. Unfortunately, Neil seemed to have other plans and wanted to have a proper lunch, which he didn't have the ingredients for, owing to his busy schedule at the hospital recently.

Audrey had buried herself under the covers, trying to block out the light of the midday sun while pretending to still be sleeping. Neil knew she'd been awake for at least the past hour but also wanted to give her the chance to laze around once in a while. He'd planned the previous night to make lunch for her so she wouldn't have to get up till much later but he'd forgotten that everything in his fridge was either well past its expiry date or completely useless as an ingredient.

He quietly opened the door and crept towards his bed before throwing himself on top of her and trapping Audrey where she was with his arms. His surprise attack earned him a muffled, slightly frightened scream from her, followed by a bout of giggling as she realized what had just happened.

"Time to wake up, sleepyhead," Neil whispered in her ear as she tried to fight him off and return to hiding under the covers, "I don't have any food in the house so we're going to have to go out for lunch."

Audrey groaned, looking pleadingly into his eyes, "Do we have to? Can't we just subsist on cheese and crackers?"

"Come on," Neil persuaded, dropping a light kiss on her head before pulling the covers off and dragging her out of bed, "We can eat whatever you want, and I'll even sit through a completely predictable superhero movie with you at the cinema."

"I don't think there's anything good showing," Audrey mumbled in protest but reluctantly let allowed Neil to push her towards the bathroom.

* * *

After being allowed to choose her favorite Italian restaurant for lunch, Audrey was a little more enthusiastic about their day. She pulled out her phone when they got back into the car after lunch, trying to decide on a movie session that they could watch.

"There really isn't anything that interesting showing right now," Audrey said as Neil waited for her to decide what they would do next, "Are you sure we can't just go home and watch some TV, maybe order pizza?"

"Come on, Aud," Neil sighed, "Don't you want to spend some time with me?"

"Spending time at home with you is spending time with you," Audrey fought back. Not able to come up with anything to say, Neil just looked at her, defeated and slightly disappointed. "Why does it matter so much if we're not doing anything?" Audrey sighed, confused at Neil's sudden insistence that they do something with their day.

Neil silently considered her question, his brow furrowed, before quietly admitting, "I was thinking about your birthday this morning, while you were still sleeping. We didn't really get to celebrate it this year, what with you dumping me and everything." His sadness resonated with Audrey, who had also missed sharing a beer with him to celebrate getting a year older. They had done something for her birthday almost every year since they were residents, sometimes it was just a quick lunch with a cupcake in the hospital cafeteria but they'd always managed something.

"I'm the one who dumped you," Audrey laughed, trying to return the smile to his face, "I'm not going to hold it against you that you didn't remember my birthday, but I see what you've been trying to do now."

"If you're thinking that I was trying to make up for it today, you're right!" Neil said, suddenly brightening up with a grin.

"But it's been months," Audrey complained, "And you really don't have to do anything."

Neil pouted, "Can't you give a guy the chance to feel a little less guilty."

Audrey laughed at how cute he looked and leaned towards him to kiss the frown from his face before answering, "I told you already you don't have to feel guilty, but fine, if it matters so much to you." Neil returned to grinning at her, reminding her of an energetic puppy that had just been promised a treat. She turned her attention back to her phone.

"What about this one? It's got Harrison Ford in it, which makes it as good as a superhero movie," Audrey said, showing Neil her phone, "It also looks sappy enough that you might enjoy it." Neil nodded okay with a smile in response.

"We still have a few hours to kill before the movie starts though," Audrey said, "If you want to make up for my birthday that badly, why don't we do some grocery shopping and you can make me dinner?"

Half an hour later, Audrey found herself walking down the fresh vegetable aisle, hand in hand with Neil, wondering how she'd gotten herself into such a domestic situation with him.

"How do you feel about kale?" Neil asked her, pointing out the bunches of green sitting on the refrigerated shelves in front of them.

Audrey shrugged. She'd heard about its rise in popularity but hadn't ever gone out of her way to try it and wasn't particularly interested in joining the health food craze. "I said you were making dinner," Audrey replied with a smile, trying to hide the fact that she'd never actually tried the plant, "That means I shouldn't have to think." Neil chuckled, seeing right through her but wisely keeping his mouth shut.

When Neil lead her past the ice cream aisle, Audrey protested, "Don't you want some ice cream?"

"I hardly ever eat ice cream at home. I'd never finish a tub of ice cream," Neil replied.

"I eat ice cream all the time," Audrey stated simply, pulling him towards the ice cream.

"I wasn't aware we were living together already," Neil teased as he followed her to look at the frozen desserts, a satisfied smirk on his face at the thought of what Audrey had just implied.

"Stop smiling," Audrey said without even turning to look at him, barely able to contain her own grin, "You know that's not what I meant." She quickly chose a tub of ice cream and added it to Neil's basket to avoid continuing their conversation.

* * *

"Do you want popcorn?" Neil asked, putting their movie tickets in his pocket before instinctively reaching for Audrey's hand as they walked away from the ticket booth. They had somehow survived the long checkout queues at the supermarket, gotten their groceries home and back to the cinema in time for their movie session.

"Maybe something small," Audrey replied, "I'm not that hungry after the big lunch we had, and I want to be able to make whatever delicious thing you're planning on making tonight."

"You always have such high expectations of me," Neil laughed, pulling her closer as she considered the different popcorn sizes that were on offer. As he leaned in to kiss her cheek, he caught a familiar figure in the corner of his eye and turned to see Claire and Morgan waiting in line for tickets. He watched them for a moment but quickly turned back to Audrey when he thought Morgan may have noticed them.

Audrey had reassured him that she didn't have any issues with his friendship with Claire, but he had an unshakable feeling that she was keeping something from him. He had a somewhat irrational fear that pointing out that Claire was also here would somehow upset Audrey and they'd had such a good day, he didn't want to ruin it.

By the time Audrey had chosen and paid for their popcorn, Neil discovered Claire and Morgan had left the ticket line and tried to hide behind some plants. He could see the slightly irritated and exasperated look on Morgan's face but could also see her giving in to whatever Claire was suggesting. She reminded him so much of himself.

He remembered being in a very similar situation, trying to catch a movie with Audrey when they were residents and still just friends, and Audrey insisting that none of their colleagues knew they were hanging out. To ward off the gossip, or so she had said. It turned out there wasn't any better way to ward off gossip than marrying or dating completely different people, which is what they had done, wasting so much time before actually getting to this point.

"What are you thinking about?" Audrey asked, noticing that she'd lost his attention halfway through her explanation of why Harrison Ford's character in Star Wars was so amazing.

"Nothing," Neil replied with a smile, "Just thinking about how you used to make us pretend we'd just met by coincidence at the cinema, or pulling me behind some trees when you thought you saw someone we knew."

Audrey laughed at the memory.

"Makes me glad we don't have to do that now," Neil added, making a big show out of putting his arm around her and leading her into the cinema for their session.


	5. Chapter 5: Making bread

When I started this, I thought I'd be deviating from canon quite a bit (I thought Melendaire was going to be reality) but I didn't think I'd be deviating this much. I'll be continuing this anyway and eventually include my alternate ending to S3 when I find some peace with what happened.

Christina said she liked their car scenes and Nick chose the elevator as his favorite (they are both brilliant actors, I love them both and I'm so thankful to them for being so on board with this ship) so I've written one of each for them. This may be the longest elevator ride in history. Someone also wanted Morgan and Claire to witness something more intimate, so I've tried that here too … and Audrey Lim being a boss in the ER is what I live for.

#LimLendezPorVida

* * *

"Busy day ahead?" Neil asked casually as he put the car into park, alerting Audrey to the fact that they had arrived at the hospital and that she had spent the entire ride from his place checking emails on her phone.

"Yeah," Audrey sighed, giving him an apologetic look while unbuckling her seatbelt.

"I'm not your driver, you know," Neil complained, putting on his best frown and fighting the smile that always crept up onto his face whenever he looked into her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said, putting her phone away and leaning over to give him a quick peck on the lips. "I wouldn't thank my driver like that," she added.

Failing to fight the smile pulling at the corner of his lips, Neil cocked his head, unbuckled himself and leaned in towards her, saying, "I'm not convinced."

Audrey rolled her eyes, grinning at his antics but gave in and let him pull her in for another kiss. Neil's fingers tangled in her hair, Audrey's hand caressing the back of his neck, their kisses filled with love, admiration, and gratitude. Gratitude that he loved her despite her shortcomings and gratitude that she found had the heart to forgive him for his.

They let themselves forget where they were, lost in each other, unaware of the car that pulled into the parking spot next to Audrey.

Unfortunately, Morgan was all too aware of where she was and what she was witnessing. She silently cursed herself for not choosing another parking spot before carefully opening the car door and steeling herself before slamming it shut, eyes averted from her two bosses who were clearly making out in the next car.

The sound of a car door slamming next to them brought Neil and Audrey back to reality, quickly pulling apart as they scanned their surroundings for someone who had caught them. They both chuckled at the sight of Dr. Reznick quickly making her way towards the hospital entrance, clearly trying not to look in their direction.

"She's acting like she just saw her parents have sex," Neil commented, grabbing his bag from the back seat as Audrey opened the door to get out.

Audrey laughed at his joke but said, "Actually, I feel her. Imagine if you'd walked in on Glassman making out with another attending when you were a resident … say, Harris, for example."

Neil pulled a face in disgust at the thought and said, "Aud! Why would you put that image in my head?"

"See?" Audrey replied through another round of giggles, "You can't blame Morgan."

* * *

After a long day of packed with meetings and preparing documents for the board meeting tomorrow, Audrey was exhausted. She couldn't believe she was the same woman who once handled a 36-hour shift in the ER, flooded with patients after a truck had plowed across a busy intersection, and still kept a breakfast appointment with her mom right after.

She leaned against the back wall of the elevator, too tired to reach for the button to close the doors, and hoped that she wouldn't be forced to share the ride with anyone who wanted anything from her. She held her breath when she heard footsteps running towards the elevator, half wishing they wouldn't make it before the doors closed but to her dismay, a hand caught the door just before it shut.

Audrey exhaled in relief when the doors opened to reveal that Neil had been the source of the footsteps.

He failed to stifle his laughter when he saw how tired she looked. "I saw the OR schedule today, you weren't even in surgery," he teased, joining her near the back of the elevator and holding his arms out to her. She gratefully obliged and leaned into his embrace with her head resting on his shoulder and her nose buried in his collar.

"It's so tiring to have to talk to someone and act like you don't think they're an idiot," Audrey mumbled.

Neil laughed and said, "You should just make it clear that they're an idiot, then you don't have to keep pretending."

Owing to the fact her head was still resting on his shoulder, he couldn't see her roll her eyes but could hear it in her voice when she answered, "You know I can't do that!"

"You have no trouble letting me know when I'm being an idiot," Neil said, so sincerely that Audrey lifted her head and looked at him in concern.

"You know you're not really an idiot, right?" she said softly and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"You'd still love me even if I was, right?" he asked in return, leaning his forehead on hers so that their noses touched.

"Yes, I would," Audrey replied, tilting her head to close the gap. "I'd love you no matter what," she mumbled against his lips and he smiled against hers, feeling like the luckiest man alive because Audrey Lim had just admitted she'd love him unconditionally.

They were startled apart when the elevator dinged to announce the doors were opening. Audrey tried to move further away but Neil kept her by his side with an arm around her waist, trying to calm her down with a look which said, "_What? This isn't a secret anymore._"

"Good evening, Dr. Lim, Dr. Melendez," Claire said in greeting and stepped into the elevator after an awkward moment. She could see from the slightly embarrassed smile on Lim's face and the forced joviality on Neil's that she'd just interrupted them in the middle of something.

After getting in the elevator, Claire turned back around to face the doors so Neil pulled Audrey closer and tried to resume what had just been interrupted. When he pressed a kiss to her temple, Audrey pulled away with a pointed look at Claire.

"_Claire's right there!_"

Neil shrugged, "_I'm sure she wouldn't mind._"

"_I mind!_" Audrey tried to convey with a silent widening of her eyes.

"_She can't see us anyway._" Neil grinned and, ignoring Audrey's panicked expression, tried to pull her in towards him again. Audrey was saved again by the elevator dinging to announce arrival at their floor, which was promptly followed by the ringing of her phone. Neil sighed silently, letting her go so she could answer the call as the elevator doors opened.

After a couple of "mhmm"s and "okay"s, Audrey said, "I'll make sure we have enough surgeons available," and ended the call while stepping out of the elevator. As Claire and Neil both headed in the direction of the hospital exit, Audrey called them back. "Actually, Neil, Claire, I think I'm going to have to ask you to stay back. There's been a mass casualty – there's been a traffic accident involving a bus and five cars – we're going to need some more hands in the ER."

Neil and Claire both sighed, mentally preparing themselves for a long night as they stepped back up to the elevator. Audrey smiled at their dejected expressions, suddenly full of energy at the thought of spending the next 12 hours in the ER.

Noticing her uplifted spirits, Neil laughed and shook his head, "The nurses always say how much they miss you leading the ER but I bet they don't miss it as much as you do."

* * *

After a long night in the ER, dealing with over 60 patients arriving due to the major traffic accident, Audrey finally had the time to slow down and get some rest. She'd been awake for 31 hours straight and the board meeting had been pushed back till 4pm, giving her just under 4 hours to get cleaned up and catch some sleep. She'd struggled with the idea of going home, knowing she'd be losing time to the bus ride there and back, so she'd decided to let herself nap in the on-call room for a couple of hours. Though it was technically for residents, and she hadn't spent much time there since her resident days, she was sure no one would mind.

She'd quietly stepped into the on-call room and taken one of the bottom bunks, aware that both top bunks were occupied by surgical residents. They didn't seem to notice her entrance, so she assumed they were sleeping.

Neil had been in search of Audrey when he saw her slipping into the on-call room, which brought a smile to his face as he recalled the number of hours they had spent in there as residents. He followed her into the on-call room, just as quietly, and stood by the door to search for her in the dim light. When he located her, he went up to her with a whispered "Hi" and gave her a nudge to ask her to make space for him.

Audrey obliged but not without complaining. "I can see another free bunk just over there," she whispered.

"I like sharing with you," he replied.

Audrey returned his loving smile and snuggled up in his arms but said, "It's going to be weird if anyone catches us."

"No it's not," Neil objected with a matter-of-fact tone, "We've shared a bed in this on-call room before."

Audrey knew the moment to which he was referring. The night they'd been forced to share a bunk because it seemed like all the residents in the hospital were on-call, prepared to deal with the aftermath of a forecasted freak storm.

"I don't recall there being much choice that time," Audrey said softly, closing her eyes.

"I don't think you have much of a choice now either," Neil replied, suddenly flipping over so that he'd trapped Audrey underneath the weight of his body. Still slightly annoyed that he'd been interrupted twice in the last 36 hours, first by Morgan and then Claire, Neil didn't waste any time in kissing Audrey, hungry and demanding.

"Neil," Audrey protested, trying to push him away, "I have a board meeting in a couple of hours, I really need to sleep."

"This won't take long," Neil replied breathlessly.

"There are other people in here," Audrey whispered, still trying to put up a fight until she recognized the lust in his eyes and lost the little self-control that had been holding her back. She let her hands find their way around his neck, pulling him down towards her and kissing him back with the same hunger.

"They're asleep," Neil replied as he moved his kisses from her lips to her jaw and then the side of her neck, savoring the way her pulse raced beneath his lips as his hands found their way underneath the hem of her scrubs.

Unfortunately for Claire and Morgan, who had taken the two top bunks in the on-call room after the long night in the ER, they were not asleep. Morgan was uncomfortable with what she was witnessing, but it seemed Claire was taking it much worse, judging by the horrified expression on her face. Granted, she was currently in the bunk right about Lim and Melendez.

Audrey tried to keep as quiet as possible, but when Neil started sucking on the hollow of her collarbone, she couldn't stifle the moan that escaped.

Seizing the opportunity, Morgan decided to take pity on Claire. Coughing loudly to clear her throat and feigning sleepiness, Morgan groaned, "Shut up! I'm trying to sleep!"

Neil froze at the sound of Morgan's voice as Audrey giggled silently into his chest. Defeated, Neil lay back onto the bed with a sigh, vowing to resume this later in the privacy of his home. He pulled Audrey into his arms, letting her rest her head on his chest, and they drifted off to sleep, completely unaware that Claire and Morgan were still stifling their laughter at Morgan's ballsy move.


	6. Chapter 6: I have nothing to prove

Have been a bit busy these last two weeks now that we're nearing the end of term, sorry for missing last week's update!

That scene at the end of 3x18 really bothered me when I saw it, and I still can't quite get over it. Will probably deal with 3x19 and 3x20 in the next few chapters.

* * *

It had been a long couple of days, looking through possible ways to alleviate the pressure on Finn's brain stem without having to resect part of his cerebellum and leave him with a permanent speech impediment. Despite Shaun's lack of enthusiasm or interest in helping, they managed to find a viable solution and carried out the surgery with success.

Watching Claire frowning over files in the residents' lounge, Neil was reminded of the numerous occasions he'd witnessed Audrey in the same situation. He had always admired Audrey's constant determination to work out a better solution for her patients. It was competing with her that had pushed him to always think outside the box and to never give up, even when it seemed like there was no longer any way he could help his patient. He saw the same determination in Claire now and was impressed by her persistence even in the face of Shaun's pessimism.

He saw a lot of similarities between Claire and Audrey. Both were determined, intelligent, hardworking doctors who cared deeply about the wellbeing of their patients. Claire was always vocal in her support of what she believed to be best for her patients. She had a great grasp of human emotion and knew how to use that to persuade and win over anyone who disagreed with her medical judgment. Audrey, on the other hand, had been hardened by years of working with people who dismissed and underestimated her, and chose to get her way through objectivity and logic. When she was right, she knew it and she didn't need anyone to approve her decisions.

Neil wished he could somehow bring the two women closer together. Neil could see that Claire was growing under his mentorship but he also knew that Claire could learn a lot from Audrey, and maybe Audrey could learn a thing or two from Claire. He knew that he definitely had. She had taught him to be more aware of other people's feelings, be it his patients or his colleagues, and was constantly steering him in the right direction when it came to handling human emotion.

That night, after so many days of hard work, he decided he should let her know how much she had taught him. "Being around you makes me a better surgeon," Neil said sincerely, pausing with a smile before adding, "A better person." His praise had obviously taken her by surprise. Claire smiled speechlessly before bidding him goodnight and turning to leave his office.

Audrey was waiting outside Neil's office to suggest a drink or two when she caught his final words to Claire. She could tell that Neil had changed a lot in the last few years, especially in his treatment of his residents. He'd learned to show more compassion and to respect their abilities and ideas. Still, she was taken aback at how willingly he'd volunteered praise for Claire. Hearing him say those words, she was suddenly reminded of the time she accidentally eavesdropped on him proposing to Jessica Preston.

"_Jess, you make me a better man._"

Thinking about the memory now, something pulled at her heart and she closed her eyes. Audrey had never resented Jess. She'd had Kashal and was married for a majority of Neil's relationship with Jess, and they all managed to get along fine but somewhere along the way, she'd developed an irritating occurring thought that Jessica Preston wasn't good enough for him. Maybe that should have clued her in to how her feelings for her friend were changing.

When she opened her eyes again, she caught Claire leaving Neil's office with a look of silent panic on her face as if she'd come to realize something terrifying. Audrey recognized the look. The moment you realize you've fallen for someone. Back when Neil had been with Jess, she'd seen it numerous times on the faces of young interns and nurses when they discovered he wasn't single. He had this infuriating way of charming people that made you hate him and love him at the same time.

Heart heavy with the idea that Claire may be developing feelings for her boyfriend, Audrey stepped quietly into Neil's office and caught him lost in thought with the ghost of a smile on his face. "What are you thinking about?" Audrey asked, drawing his attention and watching as his face lit up at the sight of her.

"Our patient today, we did some incredible work after a long sleepless night," he replied with a smile, reaching out to pull her towards him.

"I heard that Claire came up with something very out-of-the-box for your patient," Audrey said, hoping to gauge his reaction to her mention of Claire.

"She did," he admitted with a smug grin, "But I'm the one who made it work." Audrey laughed at his boast, rewarding his hard work with a kiss before he added, "Watching Claire work reminds me of my own passion for saving lives and helping people. Her determination and compassion remind me of my own reasons for wanting to become a surgeon."

As he continued to describe Claire's achievements and moments of genius, Audrey could tell from his words that Claire meant a lot more to him than he was willing to admit. She forced herself to let go of her misgivings and replied to his ramblings with a jest. "It's hard to tell if you're saying Dr. Browne is a great surgeon, or congratulating yourself for being a great attending," Audrey teased.

* * *

Over the next week, Audrey watched as Claire struggled with her feelings. She could see the initial confusion and denial, which inevitably lead to realization and acceptance. When Claire started looking at Neil as if she was holding back a secret she wanted to tell, Audrey knew she had her own decision to make.

Should she wait for Claire to confess her feelings and see how things played out with Neil, or should she address it before anything went further? Should she let Neil know what was coming for him, or would he just dismiss it all as jealousy and insecurity?

Unable to shake the feeling that she was about to lose him, Audrey sighed into the silence of her office and dropped her head into her hands. "_Grow up, Audrey_," she said to herself, "_Why can't you have a little more faith in Neil?_"

She looked over at the couch in her office and recalled the promise she'd made to Neil that night after getting drenched in the rain. They'd both promised each other more communication. She sighed again, tired from the internal emotional struggle and pretending to both Neil and herself that she was fine with his relationship with Claire. She decided to honor her promise and address the problem with Neil before her own jealousy started twisting things out of proportion.

* * *

"Hey, do you have a moment?" Audrey asked with a knock on his office door while Neil was packing up his things for the day.

"I've actually promised to go running with Claire," Neil replied, pausing briefly to give Audrey his attention and the loving smile that always appeared when he was looking at her.

Preoccupied with her own panic and fear over what she believed was Claire's impending confession, Audrey failed to return his smile, scowling instead, hurt by something that she logically knew was no fault of Neil's.

"I'm not comfortable with where your relationship with Claire is going. I don't want you to run with her," Audrey said slowly in what she hoped was a calm and reasonable tone.

"Tonight? Or ever again?" Neil asked, frowning and crossing his arms in defense.

"I just want to talk to you about it," Audrey said, a little taken aback by his defensiveness and trying again to remove any blame from her voice.

Still caught in his own surprise and slight anger at Audrey's implication that there was anything untoward happening between him and Claire, he missed the hurt in her voice and added, "Is this coming from my boss or my girlfriend?"

Audrey frowned at his question but when she opened her mouth to reply, he cut her off with, "Actually, no. Don't answer that." He put down the documents he was tidying away and looked at Audrey with a no-nonsense look on his face, continuing with increasing anger, "I have maintained the level of objectivity with all my residents, as my chief requested, and I'm not sensing any concern or discord amongst the residents, so this can't possibly be coming from my boss. That means this is coming from my girlfriend, and she should better than to be so unreasonable."

"It feels like you're the one being unreasonable here," Audrey said, her voice rising with anger at the fact that she'd gathered the courage to let down her walls just for him to completely dismiss her concerns without even allowing her the opportunity to explain her feelings.

"I'm not the one who just demanded that you stop interacting with a friend," Neil responded with an equally raised voice.

"Are you so sure she's just a friend?" Audrey huffed, tears welling up in her eyes as she finally admitted the thought that had been bothering her for weeks. "From the look she's given you over the past week, I'm confident she doesn't feel that way."

"I can't believe this," Neil said in exasperation, turning away from Audrey to continue packing away his files. "How many times do I need to tell you that we're just friends before you believe me, Aud?"

"I wish I could believe you, but the way you speak to her — " Audrey started to yell but caught herself before she turned their argument into a full-blown screaming match and continued in a sad, defeated voice, "Sometimes, the things you say to her remind me of how you were with Jess."

Neil sighed and shook his head as he finished gathering his things before walking up to Audrey. "I promised Claire I'd go running with her," Neil sighed, "So that's what I'm going to do, because we're just friends and I have nothing to prove to you, Aud." He dropped a kiss on her cheek before leaving her standing alone in the middle of his office, holding her breath and refusing to let the tears fall.


End file.
